Fuck I hate being fat. Today it hit home as I pulled on my stretchy pants for work cause I couldn't stand to have my jeans dig into my stomach again. Time to face facts that I need to buy a bigger size, something I swore would never happen again. Last August I managed to get down to 162 lbs. Mind you I was on a stress leave from work and exercising like a mofo. So many things are swirling around in my head lately. My son, who is amazing, but I fear suffering from my marital breakdown. He's angry a lot and eating lots of crap, he's behind in school. I feel like I'm failing in all aspects of life. My anxiety gets really bad when I think of too many things at once, so I've made a to-do list today and will try to get things done in chunks so to speak. I have a one hour massage later and chiro, hopefully my back will feel some sort of reliefe. Also, my scale showed it's highest number in a long ass time last week. This morning it said 176. Yup, it's going down but still not enough.
I plan to walk on my lunch break as I may not have time later.
If you stumbled upon this blog somehow lol, it's not going to be all rainbows and glitter. Just another fat girl documenting her crazy life and struggle to lose weight. That's all.

Who the hell am I?

Well this is my first blog post. I've started several blogs and always let them lapse. I think the trick is finding something you want and like to write about it. Weight loss has consumed my life for over a year now. This journey is definately not done either.
Let me back up a little. Around May of 2011 I discovered this gem of a website called myfitnesspal. I was immediately hooked and got my sis and hubby to join as well. Fast forward to December and I had lost a minimal amount, maybe 15 lbs. I have tracked and logged in every day since then but was not very serious in November/December. Again, fast forward to February and I discovered the social side of the website. Much life FB, you could add friends, comment on their status, wall and food journals.
It might be odd to say that a website caused me to reevalute my life, but I really feel it did. I was a fat, miserable married Mom who suddenly started getting attention from the opposite sex. I should also say that a bout of the stomach flu helped me drop ten lbs and that was the spark I needed to get going. Anyway, I met someone online and we had fun getting to know each other. I don't really want this blog to be about my marriage (too depressing) more so my weight loss but the two are pretty intermingled. Long story short, I asked for a divorced in February and the rest has kinda been downhill since.
So moving along to weight loss, it is now December 7 and to date I have lost 53 lbs. My highest loss was in August at 58 lbs I attribute that to having a month off work and being able to exercise an insane amount. Never in a million years did I think I would be capable of losing this much weight. Sometimes I forget just how much I have lost and how much better I feel. I've been struggling the last several months. I gain a few lbs, lose a few lbs. It's daily fucking struggle, that I wish was over already.